In my last post, I mentioned that I had just finished treatment for ovarian cancer. Luckily, the cyst was discovered during an annual exam and removed during what is called 'debulking' surgery. The tumor was determined to be Stage I and there was no spread of the disease. In discussion with my oncologist, I decided to go through chemotherapy as extra insurance - to make sure any microscopic cells were destroyed - essentially reducing the chance of recurrence to almost zero.
The hardest part of the whole ordeal? Transitioning from caregiver to care-needer.
I came by my Caregiver badge honestly, with brief periods caring for my 100-year old grandmother and terminally ill mother, and a nearly 10 year stint caring for my disabled and chronically ill husband. I juggled them with a full time job, raising two (amazing) daughters, and owning a store in downtown Annapolis. I had convinced myself I could do it all. And then all of a sudden, I couldn't. There was no way I was going to be able to get through the chemotherapy without asking for help. And that bothered me more than anything. It took several weeks for me to work up the courage to ask my closest friends for help.
Guess what? It really wasn't that bad. I made specific requests for help (healthful meals that appealed to preteen and teen girls was a primary need), enjoyed catching up with old friends who expressed concern and best wishes, and focused on taking care of myself - mainly sleeping when I was tired and drinking lots and lots of water. I reached out to the parents of my youngest daughter's closest friends, and they came to my rescue with playdates and overnights to distract her. My older daughter spent her summer doing teen things - mostly involving nail polish - but also taking care of me (she's a natural caregiver).
Now that the chemotherapy is over, I'm looking forward to returning to my previous "take charge" persona and energy level. But I've learned how to ask for help when I need it. And that's a lesson I'll keep with me forever.
Hi Lynne, I came across your blogspot on Denise's caregiving.com which I joined this morning. I really admire your courage and openness to share your story of your diagnosis and treatment of cervical cancer. I am so glad you are well and cured now and that your life is back on track. That is wonderful you have two daughters and many friends who helped you as a "care needer". I guess that is your spiritual reward for caring for so many other of your family members, especially your 100 year old grandmother. That is awesome. I have annual cervical exams. I am age 66 and at my last cervical exam the nurse practioner advised me that at my age now it is no longer "medically necessary" to have cervical exams because the "scientific research" says you are safe now at that age. Bologny. My grandmother died at the age of 86 because she had cervical cancer. So I don't take too much advice from the medical profession this way, especially in light of the fact that I believe the real reason women over age 66 "do not need any more cervical exams" is because it is a medical decision by some bureacratic shadow committee somewhere dictating a woman's personal medical profile and restricted treatments, and to save money on the testing procedures and gain more profit. Same old story. Well, nice to meet you. Hope you have a great day!
ReplyDeleteKindest regards,
Nanette
Nanette,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment! The debate over what is "medically necessary" is one that will go on forever and for which there will always be disagreement. Let me first say that I have absolutely no medical education or training, so these are just my personal opinions.
My decision is that I will choose to be aggressively tested for those diseases where I have family history, regardless of the medical guidelines or my medical insurance provider's willingness to provide coverage.
Medical guidelines are designed for the general population; think of the bell curve that we all learned about in elementary school. Those who fall on the high side of that bell need to think longer and harder about additional testing. Because your grandmother developed cervical cancer in her 80s, she clearly fell outside of the normal parameters, and you will need to take that into account when making your health care decisions.
(PS -- because the point of this blog is about caring, and not about politics, I won't address the comment about the shadow bureaucracy & committees here.)