Focusing on Our Strengths

If you read my last blog post, you'll know that I was in a deep funk for the last few weeks.  My thoughts were about all the things, big and little, that weren't going the way I wanted them to. Let's just say I wasn't much fun to be around!  It's no wonder my kids decided to spend most of their time in their rooms.

Finally, I broke out of my funk and reminded myself that concentrating on what was wrong was about as productive as wishing the coffee would make itself. When I started focusing on what was right with my world - how good things really are for me - it was easy to find things to add to the list.

A favorite book when I was a manager (and management consultant) was First, Break all the Rules by Marcus Buckingham, a manager at the Gallup company.  In it, he details what he found reviewing 80,000 surveys. There were 12 key rules that great managers live by.  The one that has stuck with me is "Focus on Strengths."  So many times, our children's report cards are filled with "To improve, Johnny needs to....."  At work, our performance reports or appraisals always include a section of development actions to take us to the next level. What Buckingham found is that the managers who focused on the building up the strengths of their employees ended up with happier, more productive employees and better performing organizations.

That doesn't mean that they ignored areas that needed improvement.  Remember the 80/20 rule? Instead of spending 80 percent of the resources to 'fix' the 20 percent that was a problem, they focused the majority of their attention on making their employee's strengths even stronger.

How does a management book apply to getting me out of my funk, and more importantly, caring for myself?  When I started listing what was right in my world, I included what I was good at, and what I had at my disposal to make my dreams a reality.  I focused on my strengths.

Part of caring for ourselves includes taking that time to ensure we recognize our strengths, to recognize that no matter what else is happening in our worlds that we have a strong core to rely on.  We're all different, we all have a different set of strengths.  What are yours?  Take a few minutes to really think them through. I guarantee you'll feel better, and you'll see how good things really are.  

It Didn't Hurt a Bit: My Acupuncture Experience

After four rounds of chemotherapy, the fatigue and neuropathy, which for me translated into tingly and numb fingertips and bone pain in my knees and shins, were constant and persistent.  The bone pain kept me up at night, all night, while the fatigue made everything much harder to accomplish.  For the record, let me say that I'm not the most patient patient.  I want to be better NOW.

I began to tire of the fog that came with the drugs that took the edge off the pain.  I asked my oncologist for suggestions.  In addition to saying that it just takes time, he said that I might want to consider acupuncture, which had shown better results than medication in relieving bone pain.

Oh, crap, I thought. A good friend swore by acupuncture and had been encouraging me to try it.  I kept putting her off, telling her that I didn't really like the idea of needles stuck into my body.   Especially after the IVs and blood tests I had been through, I wanted to be done with needles for a while.

I had done some research and had heard from others about the effectiveness of acupuncture, I was still leery. However, that my oncologist is someone who is driven by data rather than touchy-feely mumbo jumbo pushed me over the edge.  I called my friend and she made a joint appointment at a local facility, knowing that I might back out if left on my own.

The facility reminded me of a spa, only instead of massage tables in individual rooms, there was a large room with a half dozen oversized recliners.  Music played softly, just covering the sounds of the air conditioner.  Three of the chairs were occupied by napping women covered with light blankets. After filling out the standard forms and discussing my issues with Mina, who is a Registered Nurse as well as a Licensed Acupuncturist, I took my place in one of the chairs and tried to relax.

Mina placed a dozen needles - and I only felt a zing from one of them.  Having stepped on or impaled myself with a good number of quilting needles, I expected worse.  Almost immediately, I felt a weight in my torso.  I didn't drift off to sleep, but came close a few times. It wasn't so bad. After about 45 minutes, she removed the needles and the session was over.  Because my fingers were bothering me the most, that's the area she focused on.  Over the next day or two, I noticed that the tingling and numbness in my fingers had decreased by about 40%.  However, the leg pain and fatigue was just as bad if not worse.  So I went back for a second round.

This time, Mina used about 20 needles and focused on my leg pain, placing them in my arms as well as my feet.  The session was longer, about an hour, and I came close to falling asleep this time. Maybe I nodded off for a few minutes.  When it was finished, I felt lighter somehow, and had even less tingly-ness in my fingers -- probably down to about 20%.  Two days later, I'm still more fatigued than I'd like, but my leg pain is less severe.  Mina recommended two or three treatments for the first few weeks, followed by weekly treatments, and a reassessment about a month later.  I think I'm going to stick with her plan.

More information about Acupuncture

I visited Annapolis Community Acupuncture, owned by Mina Johns.  Annapolis Community Acupuncture a member of the The People's Organization of Community Acupuncture, whose mission is to make group acupuncture accessible and affordable.  I appreciate their payment scale that leaves the fee up to the client -- in Annapolis, MD the lowest fee is $15 per session, making it affordable for almost everyone.  If you want to read some studies on the effectiveness of acupuncture, this is a good place to start:  NIH Study on Acupuncture.

What Does Being Happy Have To Do With It?

This morning, a friend posted a Business Insider article that highlighted choices that the happiest people make.  Since I've been in a really deep, not fit for public consumption funk the last few days, I decided to take a look.  Each item has been on some "How to be ____!" list many times before. That didn't really surprise me - the fundamentals are the fundamentals for a reason.  But when I thought about it in terms of this blog, I did see something new.

Of the seven items on the list, the three internally focused items all contribute to long term health. And, they are worded almost passively: exercise, get outdoors, and get enough sleep.

The externally focused items use strong, active verbs that would make any English teacher proud: make time for friends, focus on family, contribute to community, find meaning in work.  Perhaps even more importantly, what they all have in common is a need to actively build connections with others.  And isn't that what caring is all about?


Business Insider, May 28, 2014, 7 Choices Happy People Make Every Day

New York Times, Dec 15, 2013. A Formula for Happiness  (The Business Insider article refers to studies, which are discussed in this article, an op-ed piece. The op-ed piece makes some assessments about the meaning of the data that makes clear the author's political biases clear.  I include the link data-based claims should be referenced, not because of the content of the article.)